Drained

so. tired.

I am out of energy. But I feel great! That means I'm doing it right! and today, I'm down to 116.4!

so. tired.

But I'm not at all, because I'm still awake and I just don't want to sleep. Planning my meals out in advance has really helped me stay in control. At night I stumble around the world wide web, research calories and plan my limit for the day. It's helped tremendously.

I promised I'd help my little sister cook for her bake sale. I love cooking, I love feeding people (maybe cause I can watch them stuff their fat faces while I sip water) However, I never want to cook anything bad which means I have to do a fair amount of taste testing. I don't mind doing it, I do it very sparingly it just scares me because I don't know how many calories are going in my already enormous body.

Yesterday, I kept my net calorie intake under 250. Today its around 300. I hate that, being higher than the other day.

I'm going out with my boyfriend sometime this week. I'm nervous. I feel so relaxed around him, it's easy to binge. I don't want to loose all this progress. My stomach is shrunken, to the point where it feels normal to eat 300 calories today, and anything around 800 feels like a binge. I don't want my stomach stretching, but I always feel so good around him I forget about my image. He's my best friend, truly.

Motivation is so hard to find. I don't want to work out. I used to do ab exercises everyday when I was taking in around 1500 calories, but I'm just so tired. I'm making excuses, I know I'm pathetic. But for some reason I just can't dig up the motivation. I look skinny but I still have the lower belly pouch. Abs is so hard, I'd rather do 30min of cardio than 10min of abs. I have no idea why, it's driving me crazy. Please encourage me, I need it.

Stay starving ladies ;)

do you seriously need to think on which you'd rather have?