Brainy!

I'm pathetic. My whole day consists of dreaming of food, wondering what my weight is at the very moment, and judging all the other fat girls. This is what my life is now? It sounds so stupid but I'm just so obsessed with the numbers. Numbers on the scale, on my waist, hips, and thighs. It's all I think about.

I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy. I argue with myself all the time. I yell at myself for wanting to quit the work out, while the other half of me is so exhausted it doesn't care. It's not multiple personalities, it's the same me, just different faces. Ana is taking me over completely. Is it scary that I don't mind? She's stronger than the old me. More disciplined, more controlled.

Today I was thinking how I ought to start eating more, my sports camp is coming up which means running all day. I'm drained from going up a flight of stairs how can I survive running 6hrs a day!? So part of me says go ahead and eat more but in the meantime the other half laughs at my lack will power.

My brain knows me so well. I'm very lucky to have it. I see food like options on a menu, fully stocked cabinets, or a friend munching on a snack my body quakes and shivers. I need the food, need the energy to survive. But when I get offered my reliable brain calmly says without hesitation, "No thank you I'm not hungry." I love that my brain is smart enough to make sure I don't get fat. Thank you brainy<3

Okay so I am definitively going crazy. I stare at food and think about eating it, how yummy it would taste. In the market I drool over the candies and cookies. But when I try to eat, and put those foods up to my mouth I am repulsed. They do not belong in my body. I feel guilty. My brain does this, thanks again!

Today I weigh 111.4! I ate an apple, half a mini muffin, and a granola bar= 260 calories. I take my measurements on Tuesday. So excited! Hope I lost a few numbers.

Being thin isn't for everyone you're lucky to have the discipline, ladies :)